Crash the World Down For You
by ArcaneBeing
Summary: Artemis has been caught up in the world of the gods, and still has to deal with fairies and the kids back at H.I.V.E. Trust the fates to never make life easy for him...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

Leo sighed. How had Annabeth manage to convince him to do this again? Oh right, the dumb Chase had threatened to tell Nyssa about how exactly her favorite project exploded.

So that was why he was now in front of a smart looking door, wondering what he had ever done to deserve this (besides the occasional burning down of cabins and people's shirts….. never mind). A godsdamned psychiatrist! He nose started smoldering.

Why would Annabeth suspect this mortal knew anything in particular about the gods? Besides, if he did, they could always just use the Mist. Why did he have to come?

He then rubbed the smoke off his nose before he actually burst into flames and was arrested for burning some rich guy's house down.

' _Well, I might as well be done with it.'_ He told himself, and walked through the door.

He almost burst into flames again at what he found.

* * *

Leo was used to most things. Dragons were great (go Festus!). Talking cows were fine, as long as they didn't try to chew on his shirt. He liked the stayrs even though they had goat legs, and the nymphs were mostly friendly. But really, this he could not deal with.

Annabeth had sent him **here** for a pasty skinned mortal that Leo was older than by a little, guessing from his looks ! What the heck bro, was that even legal?!

As if by reading his mind, Artemis grinned evilly and said: "I have more degrees than a gathering of university professors put together. Also, it doesn't matter, really, if it's legal or not. You can be surprised at what technology does." _Not really._ Leo thought. _After all, I am the son of __Hephaestus_. "Right now, the police think that I'm an overweight old man with a paunch. That is, those who don't have me as their psychiatrist."

"Are you really sure you should fool around like that?" he questioned.

"I don't think it is any of your business to ask that. Though in comparison to running a criminal empire and stealing famous works of art, being a psychiatrist isn't that bad. I've written whole profesional books about the field, under aliases, of course."

"Man, the Stolls would love _you_. Criminal empire and a thief."

A smile tugged at the boy's lips. "I'm not sure I would characterize these Stolls of yours based on their preference of character."

"They are asses, of course." Leo stated resolutely.

"I myself don't prefer such crude language, but I'll let it slide. Leo Valdez, what did you come her for?"

 _Immortal shit._ thought Leo. _How in Olympus does he know my name?_ "A friend of mine told me you might have some information that is... important... to us."

Artemis' eyes narrowed and became wary. "I have lots of information that could be considered important, to the point of global secrecy. I find it useful to store 't even try to blackmail me. I'm sure I can dig something up on you."

"Woah, no. That's not what I'm talking about. Um... do you know anything in particular about the Greek gods?"

Artemis scrutinized him. ' _He probably thinks I'm crazy.'_ thought Leo.

But instead of saying anything what came out of his mouth was instead: "Duck."

Before he had a chance to say anything back, an invisible hand dragged him down. Naturally, he struggled (in more ways than one. Did you know how _hard_ it was to not burst into flames when someone invisible had you dragged down?).

"I knew it." said Artemis from under his desk.

A gorgon flew in, and flew at Leo. Leo promptly incinerated her by bursting into flames.

"What the hell?" Leo hissed, pissed.

"Those monsters had something to do with this. And those disgusting Cyclops everywhere..." Artemis shuddered, and for the first time, Leo noticed the bags under his eyes.

"Let him go, Holly." he said, nodding. Leo knew it was the person holding him down, because duh, who else?

"I don't actually know anything. I just remember..." his voice faltered.

* * *

 _Artemis was drowning. Someone save me! he wanted to call, but he was too far down, with the pressure from the ocean tugging at his lungs. He knew he was going to die._

 _Suddenly he could breathe again._

 _All the rest were blurry voices, fading in and out. He also remembered coral houses and talking dolphins. He really was going crazy._

"But then I began to doubt that, after I got back home safely. I kept a scrap of a orange shirt, and after that all these things started popping up. Prodigy that I was, I managed to figure out it most likely had something to do with the greek gods. What other religion has and underwater palace and controls the seas?"

"Well, what were you doing down there in the first place?"

"I was pushed off a helicopter during a mission." Leo raised his eyebrows but Artemis remained unsmiling.

"Exactly what kind of mission was that?"

"We were taking back a super nuclear bomb from the Germans, as they planned to bomb America."

"Oh... I get it."

"No you don't."

"I don't get it."

"I know the person who saved you."

" _I know that_."

"Then what was all that stuff before for? Leo said, smoking again.

"I only just figured out, you know."

"Whatever." He calmed himself down. "I'll take you to the camp now."

"Wait." said Artemis. "I have to make a few phone calls."

" Mr. Awesome offers to take you to the camp were demi-gods live and you have to make a phone call?" Leo said, voice laced with disbelief.

As if speaking to a five year old, Artemis only reply was: "I promised certain people that I would take them along on my adventures in case I die or get into big trouble."

Leo understood that, at least. He understood that without his friends, he would probably be a gold statue, or worse.

"That's nice, Artemis, but could you please explain how you got to be in a helicopter handling the Germans' nuclear bomb?" said the invisible voice.

"Holly..." Artemis groaned. " I forgot you were there."

"Which is good for me, because I heard everything."

Standing in front of them was a very short woman with pixie-cut auburn hair.

"How is it that you became involved with women with snake hair and people who burst in fire without any of the LEP noticing?" Holly said, menacingly quiet.

"That's because...?" Artemis gasped, not finding a reason but too scared to be his usual cheeky self.

Holly put on an evil smile, and gave his shoulder a bone-jarring slap. "You can go do what you were going to do. I'll let you off easy this time."

Leo thought rightly that her statement was not true, as she gave Artemis a continuous round of 'pats' from which he could hear bones breaking.

He backed away slowly, and awkwardly said, "I'll be back after lunch!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

Leo was really glad that Artemis wasn't dead. But that didn't make him any less astonished when Holly healed Artemis, the blue sparks running up and down his body.

Ambrosia and nectar were one thing, but anyone beside a god doing that? That was amazing!

"Arty, this is the only time I will heal you after I punish you for doing something stupid." Holly growled out.

"I said I was sorry…." replied Artemis.

"Too bad, I'm not accepting the apology." Looking toward Leo, she said "The others should be here in about an hour. Just wait for now."

"Okay then, I'll call Nico." Said Leo.

"Who's that?" said Holly, immediately suspicious.

"The guy who's gonna' get us there, obviously. I can't shadow travel, I'm a son of Hephaestus! Not Hades!"

"I thought you were the one who was bringing us there!" gasped Artemis, now recovered.

"Either way, it doesn't matter as we're all here now." said a voice dryly from the entrance.

"Wing?" Artemis almost yelled. "I thought you would take an hour to get here! Don't tell me you broke into my lab again and stole my plane!"

"Actually, that's exactly what we did. Plus, we ran into the guys you were probably talking about. One Goth dude, a surfer person with black hair and green eyes, and a Native American girl with rainbow eyes, along with this girl with blonde hair and looks like another Minerva. Acts like one too."

"Oh!" Leo yelled, thinking. "That's Percy, full name Perseus Jackson, Annabeth Chase (the one who looks like a smart girl), Piper McLean, the daughter of Aphrodite, and Nico di Angelo…"

At Nico's name Leo sighed and a small blush covered his face.

"So you like the Nico person?" asked a white haired stranger bluntly.

"Don't tease him Otto." reprimanded Artemis. "Set them up _after_ we get to camp."

Good thing they got that over with, because just then the whole half-blood gang busted in.

"Yup, that's the guy we saved." said Percy, nodding his head.

"I thank you for too." Said Artemis, and reached for a pendant Leo had not noticed he had before. It was like a gold coin. Artemis took it off, and took out a orange scrap.

"Here." He said, and handed the piece back to Percy.

Just then Percy noticed Holly, and he started.

Holly could not have cared less, as she was staring at the flat gold disk. She looked up at Artemis emotionally.

"It was that important to you?" she asked, tears filling her eyes.

"Of course Holly. After all, bad boys don't have a third chance at life."

"Wait, so you already were reborn?" interrupted the Goth boy that Artemis had immediately known as Nico.

"Ah yes, you are a son of Hades, so you must be confused." Artemis leaned in as if to tell a secret, and all the rest except Holly leaned in to listen. "I'll tell you about it sometime later."

They REALLY wanted to kill him now. Holly leaned back, not surprised. "I'm used to it." she told. "That's just what he does.

"Well," Otto admitted, "we should have expected that."

Meanwhile, Artemis sat on the floor looking as smug as a full cat.

Nico huffed. "Whatever, let's just go!" he snorted, and took their hands. Soon they transported, leaving no sign left for a confused Butler and Juliet when they barged in a few minutes later.

* * *

Wing whistled, leaning back on his bum. It had been a rough landing for him on the hill, as Nico was carrying so many passengers and landed on a tree. They fell, and guess who was on the bottom of the mess? Him.

But it was alright, and he looked around admiring the view, as the others disentangled themselves.

"Nico..." stuttered Leo. "Can you get off of me?"

When Nico saw the position, his eyes darkened and he blushed and swallowed. He then got off of Leo's stomach and walked over to the others, who were eyeing one another, amused.

Wing whistled quietly, eyeing Artemis and gesturing to the couple.

"Don't even think about it." Artemis warned. "You tried and you would probably get yourself scorched with skeletons shoved up your arse."

This statement caught Holly's attention.

"Repeat that please!" begged Holly. Wing and Otto did the same.

Artemis realized his mistake too late.

"This is even better than 'Mum' and you wearing T-shirts! Pleaseeee! Talk like a human again." shouted Holly fanatically, holding a recorder that supposedly came out of nowhere.

Her actions caused the demigods to exchange wide-eyed glances. Where had the other bad-ass, calm Holly gone.

She suddenly shouted, "Foaly, you've got to record this! I'm trying to get Artemis to speak like a human!"

An annoying sounding voice from her visor scoffed. "You interrupted me for _this_? I mean, it's a good goal for any, but we've already tried so many times..."

"But this time, he did it first! Foaly, he said the word ' **arse** '! Without it being a hologram programmed to look like him!"

Foaly cursed. "D'Arvit! How could I miss that! Holly, it is now our life goal to make him do it again as stuff to be used for blackmail!"

Artemis, through all this, was a sitting duck trying desperately to think of a way to avoid this.

He thought of one thing: he wouldn't be able to avoid them. They would get it out of him, even if it meant stalking him. For them, it was too good to be true.

He didn't even try to run, as any physical activity involving Artemis Fowl equaled to utter failure and embarrassment. So he got up and speed walked away, taking the risk and hoping they didn't notice.

Of course they did notice, but as soon as she started chasing him she stopped and stared in front of him. He didn't get it but walked on, grateful, but then bumped into a faintly glowing chest.

"You should watch where you're going." said a mild but amused voice.

Artemis looked up and immediately deducted it was Hermes, the god of travelers, thieves, and other things.

He shook his hand, and hoped his embarrassed flush was not visible (which it of course was, and very much so) and said: "Hermes, I see. I am Artemis Fowl. What are you here for?"

"I'll tell you when we get inside camp." he said, eyes twinkling. "After all, it's not often we get such interesting visitors. We wouldn't want them hitting their heads from fainting, eh?"

Artemis judged from that that the news was not going to be particularly pleasant for them.

* * *

They were all gathered in the Big Room. _Which is actually quite an idiotic but fitting name._ thought Artemis, insulting the room's name out of nervousness.

He asked Hermes: "When will we get to the part about the news?" The sooner they got it, the sooner they could get it over with.

"We're just waiting until our oracle comes."

"Oracle?"

"You don't know about her? I'm ashamed, Mr. I-Know-Everything-About-Things-Like-This." he said in a teasing tone.

"It's not like I didn't know of the Oracle of Delphi," snapped Artemis, "it's just that... Didn't the Oracle of Delphi die long ago?"

"We got a new one after the Titan War. Her name is Rachel Dare."

Artemis looked surprised, then a little wary. "Dare as in the Dare corporations? Her father is a closet Extinctionist, you know."

"My dad is a _what_?" interrupted a red haired girl.

"Your father is a supporter of a criminal group of rich people who take pleasure in finding near extinct species and permanently extinguishing them." he said simply.

Rachel's face turned a ghostly pallor. "Well, another thing to lecture him on..." she muttered.

Nico looked on, impressed. "How did you get involved in that? Not bad for a mortal."

"Oh, that's one of the least impressive ones. More recently, Artemis got us all at the bottom of the sea with an insane guy trying to kill us. Except Artemis was being threatened with "I will rip out one of your eyes, dip it in your smashed brains, and feed it to your brothers while your 'Butler' and family and friends watching." Wing piped.

"How come I never heard about this?" inquired Holly.

"Wing, if I die it's your fault." Artemis said bluntly. "Also, you're paying for the burial and grave."

"I'm sorry. I'll make sure I will." said Wing with wide eyes, along with the others, watched the events unfolding. Again.

"Don't you dare ignore me, you little Mud Man!" cried a pissed Holly. "Do you know _how_ hard it is to say to Butler and Juliet, 'Yes, he's safe' when you end up in situations like this?!"

Artemis sighed and mentally prepared himself for the next thing going to happen.

"You little bloated-brain puffball! D'Arvit to your stupid plans!" Artemis winced at the second sentence. "I will **kill** you! I had to have a pay cut because of the numerous breaks I had to take for you! And this is how you repay me? By getting yourself undersea, being **_threatened to have your eyes ripped out and put in smashed brains_**? Sometimes I wonder why I'm not crazy. Wait. But I am! **_Because of you!_** "

Hermes interrupted her rant. "Remember what we came for?"

"Oh... yeah." Comprehension dawned on her face. "Sorry for that."

Turning to Artemis, she said simply, "I'll deal with you later." The others shivered in sympathy for Arty.

"Well..." Rachel took a deep breath. "Then here we go." Her eyes rolled back, and green smoke flew out of her mouth.

 _"It is now the breakthrough_

 _But our worlds collide too soon_

 _And evil has had enough_

 _Out they come to destroy , and they have crawled out of Tartarus' touch_

 _So the mortals who challenged insanity, magic, and the gods_

 _Shall now fight together against the odds_

 _To protect the things they love the most_

 _And to vanquish the nightmares of the old."_

"Wow.." broke in Otto. "I've defeated super intelligences before, and I've saved the president, but I've never done this!" Otto exclaimed.

"Shut up Otto." groaned Wing.

"My sentiments exactly." agreed Artemis.

"You shut up, Mud Boy. Now I'm settling this, morbid prophecy or no!" Holly snarled and dragged Artemis away.

* * *

Throughout the next few hours, although they tried to ignore it, the group heard begging, Neutrino blasts, and maniacal shrieking with more than one shatters. They just hoped that the next morning, both Artemis and the camp would not be in ruins.


End file.
